Not Guilty By Reason Of Menopause



This is a formal, written apology to my mother, aunts, grandmothers (may they rest in peace), and any other elderly woman that I, as a naive young girl, may have made fun of in the past.

I may have made fun of your hot flashes that had you sticking your head in the refrigerator and asking every other shivering person in the house if it was “hot in here?”

I may have poked fun of your inability to get up off the floor without groaning and needing assistance.

I just might have pointed out a stray hair or two forming, what could have been, a small mustache, or Elvis worthy side burns.

Please forgive me if I ever poked fun of your forgetfulness, or using a word in a sentence that made absolutely no sense at all.

If i ever snickered because last years bathing suit didn’t fit quite right, heck, if last nights jeans didn’t fit quite right the next day, I sincerely apologize!

If I compared you to a toddler for taking a nap during the day, (even if said nap might have made you a teeny little late picking me up from school),I’m sorry.

When I laughed at your sudden dizziness and woozy feelings that had you suddenly reaching out to clutch onto anything near to steady yourself, the kitchen counter, a table, the grocery cart, a strangers purse (never good), I apologize.

I’m truly sorry that I found it hysterical when you became so emotional over a long distance telephone commercial that you were still sobbing 10 minutes into the television show.

All of those times when you walked into the room, started to say something, looked around with a blank “why did I come in here” expression on your face, linger a moment more, bewildered…. then you would turn around and shuffle out, yea, i would pretty much lose it and I’m so very sorry now!

And finally, I apologize for making fun when you were cutting out the coupon for depends.

Most Sincerely,
Perimenopausal Cyndi